"Don't Worry, Be Happy"

My Treatise on Worry

Well...the dictionary says a treatise is longer and more detailed than an essay, so that term might not be exactly true. Yet I will be using dictionary terms (via dictionary.com) quite a bit to help define my struggles.

wor-ry (verb):

  

1. to torment oneself with or suffer from disturbing thoughts; fret

6. (noun): a worried condition or feeling; uneasiness or anxiety

My journey of self-improvement has now led me to a further journey of deeper self-discovery and understanding.  Repeatedly I kept thinking of the various people throughout my life who have told me, "You worry too much" or "You think too much."

So a couple weeks ago I asked my husband, "How do I become someone who doesn't worry so much?"

His response included something like, "You can't care so much. You have to just let it go. 'Use the force, Luke.'"

While I appreciated his thoughts, I also wanted to continue my research. And I had a great desire to be someone other than someone who worries or thinks too much.

How very interesting that the definition of worry starts out "to torment oneself" and "suffer". I suppose that sums up my inner struggles of my life. I feel I have been blessed exceedingly in many ways, yet for some reason I've insisted on tormenting myself by thoughts of inadequacy and failure, and suffering in my relationships with others. It's incredibly ironic that a common phrase I use with others is "no worries." As in--you have no reason to worry because I do enough worrying for everyone else. :)

It has also become very interesting as I've been learning more about anxiety. My husband has been through struggles with anxiety, yet I never thought of that term relating to myself until now.

anx-i-e-ty (noun):

1. distress or uneasiness of mind caused by fear of danger or misfortune

anx-ious (adjective):

1. full of mental distress or uneasiness because of fear of danger or misfortune; greatly worried; solicitous

2. earnestly desirous; eager (anxious to please)

So what have I been fearful or worried about during my lifetime? As a mom, I have plenty of worries about my children and constantly think of the worst-case-scenario when they're doing things I feel are dangerous. But overall I would have to probably say....failure. Fear of failure to have friends and be liked. Failure to help others be happy. Failure to become all that I've wanted to be and felt I should be. I feel much of my neurosis can be attributed to this worry I've carried. For so long I've felt that I should just be able to use positive thinking to make it all better. Yet here I am, almost 38 years old, still worrying about things I shouldn't be worrying about.

I believe to understand something better, it is helpful to understand what it is not. What is the opposite of worry? The antonyms listed are "calmness, reassurance." One article I read mentioned that the opposite of worry is "mindfulness." I've really noticed that I have been more calm when I've been more mindful about my feelings and the realities I'm experiencing. The antonyms to anxiety are "certainty, serenity, tranquility."

What immediately came to my mind was a hymn:

"Be thou humble in thy pleading, and the Lord thy God shall bless thee...with a sweet and calm assurance that he cares."

I am so grateful for the opportunity to further humble myself. I truly feel that my belief and certainty that there is a God and a Savior has sustained me throughout my whole life while I've been struggling. Even though I feel it is now time to seek further help and possible therapy, I will continue to hold on to this everlasting truth-- I am a daughter of a Heavenly Father, and He loves me! 

We are loved! We are valuable and worthy! The Savior of the world suffered and gave himself for us! He knows what we feel and what we struggle with-- and He can and WILL help us!

Further in the definitions of "worry" are some verb phrases.

10. "worry along/through" : to progress or succeed by constant effort, despite difficulty

I can take this "worry" and make it in to a positive thing. Isn't that what we are all doing in this life? Progressing by constant effort, even through difficulty? And particularly myself, as I'm striving to become better? I will stay the course. I will keep trying. I will succeed! 

We all can!