One Step Back, Two Steps Forward

So I went without posting in October. Oh well. Life has been great and challenging and interesting and lovely. Fall always brings football season. 

Football, as a sport, has its high points and low points. There is always the great anticipation of how the season can and should go.....and then things happen to change that projected outcome. 

My life is turning out different than I had expected, yet it is still good. There is still accomplishment. There is still joy. I have so much to be grateful for, and I truly am grateful...when I remember. :) I love my family! We're still figuring out how to be a family. One thing for sure is that we're here to help one another through this life--this test. I know we can stay strong, and keep progressing. Even when things turn out different than we had hoped. 

Today I was supposed to spend time with my husband at a football game-- without the kids. I love my kids, and those with kids know how re-charging it is to take some time every once in a while. :) However, my little ones were throwing up all night and our wonderful plans had to go by the wayside. I was very disappointed and sad. But I couldn't let myself stay that way very long because my sweet ones need me, and it's always better to stay positive and move forward.  Here's to moving forward...even if it's slow sometimes. <3

The Day I Stopped Yelling

This is "Y"

We all know I'm a work in progress. That is what I'm kind of documenting.  I'm happy to relate that there was a break-through this past month.  I no longer yell at my sweet daughter out of anger.

Why did it take so long?  Why was it happening in the first place?  Why couldn't I stop it sooner even though I had already recognized I needed to stop and desperately wanted to?

It's not really clear to me. Even when I come up with reasons, they all just seem so dumb that I wonder how I could have been so trapped and clouded by lameness.

My loving, patient husband had brought up the subject quite some time ago.  He mentioned that if I didn't find a way to have a better relationship with my daughter now that it would just be worse later on. I knew it. I didn't like it. Yet, I wasn't finding a way out. I wasn't making it happen. And maybe that was a hold-up....I was trying to MAKE it happen, instead of letting it happen.

The breaking point came the night before my daughter's 4th birthday.  Our family has recently been through some trying times involving an unfortunate situation with my daughter (which I won't go in to detail about, but which came from an outside source...and which we had thought we were doing enough to protect her from, but not so).  I felt so strongly and so deeply that I wanted the very best for her--and that I needed to change NOW. Enough was enough. I cried myself to sleep after prayers of repentance and commitment to never be that person again.

It was amazing. The next morning I was new.  I was different.  My relationship with my sweet girl was different and better.  After all this time of "trying", I can only attribute it to the real and powerful affect of the Atonement of our Savior, Jesus Christ. With Him, all things are possible.  I believed that, and it had proved true in other areas of my life...and now it has been proved yet again with this happy change.

Of course I am still not 100% perfect in every way as a parent.  I still get frustrated and impatient--but I do not raise my voice as I used to, or have as negative of tone of voice with my child.  Whether or not anyone who knows me finds this all a surprise or not-- (that I had this problem...because as with many, we don't like others to see our weaknesses)-- I willingly want to share this story of struggle. We all have weaknesses and attributes that we want to overcome or change. And we can do so-- one step at a time, one resolution at a time, one prayer at a time.

"'Twas I; but 'tis not I."

Summer Closing

The Next Thing

So I was cognizant of my deadline on the 21st....but I ran out of energy and motivation to actually make an entry. I guess that happened the next day too. Mostly I might be lazy, but I also figured it wasn't the biggest priority for me at the time. This blog is more of a personal accountability to myself to check in on my progress in my goals. And sometimes someone might read about it.

Summer is ending, and that brings Fall. It's been a fun, enjoyable Summer and I appreciate all it brings. Fall brings football games and General Conference...things I also enjoy and look forward to.

"Two steps forward, one step back." Something said often. It mentions making progress, while at the same time having set-backs. Yet the overall outcome is moving forward. Slowly, but surely. 

That is my journey, and the journey of most. We live, we learn, we make mistakes, we make improvements. My improvements have been greater than the sum of my mistakes. And that is what keeps me going. An upward climb to a higher goal-- to be my best possible self in my current circumstances. And to arrive at my next best self by the time I'm 40.

Summer Strength

HOORAY FOR SUMMER!

I love summer. And hey! It's the 21st of July and I'm writing on my blog!! :)

It has been a really great one so far. Enjoying each day, and each day bringing new insights and experiences and lessons and improvements.  I really could not ask for more right now. I am feeling great about my progress, yet staying humbled enough to realize this is for my whole life...to continuously strive for better and celebrate the accomplishments along the way.

I am able to give more details for various sections this time, so feel free to peruse the other tabs. I love life and I love you! <3

Happy Birthday to me! :)

3 More Years...

Now this blog might seem a little obsolete because the title is "Four Years to Forty"...but that's when this endeavor began, and the title and blog will remain until that 40th birthday arrives. :)

It really was a fantastic day/weekend for my birthday, and I've really enjoyed this past year. I am overall pleased with the improvements that have occurred in my life. I know I won't fully accomplish everything my heart desires by the end of this four years, yet I will be well on my way. And I'm pretty sure the feeling "Fabulous" part will absolutely be accomplished in 2018. :)

Obviously this blog is not an overwhelming priority, yet I still want to document the improvements made. I should be able to update the various applicable pages soon, but for now all can know that I feel good about my life and the progress being made. I am so grateful for the wonderful people in my life, and for my faith in a loving Heavenly Father and His Son, Jesus Christ! They make all the difference! <3

Monsoon Season

May 21st

[I attempted making a post from my smart phone yesterday, but apparently it didn't work...so here it is again.] :)

It's been nice to have a lot of rain lately. It may not be the ideal time for a bunch of moisture for many people, yet the drawbacks are much less than the benefits.

Such is the case with my progress. Although I would phrase it: the setbacks are less than the improvements. :) And like what happens with the earth and lots of rain...there has been much growth. Mentally, emotionally, physically, and spiritually. Financially maybe not so much, but that's not the most important right now.

I realize all of this is quite vague (as a result of my slothfulness in posting on my goal date of the 21st of each month)...however, I just want to mention that I love life, my family, my Savior and Father in Heaven, and each opportunity to become better. There are good chances when I'm surrounded by great people. :) <3 

April 21st

And Here We Are...

This past month has been fantastic.  Of course it has been up and down with adjusting to having 2 full-time kids instead of one. But I feel extremely lucky because my husband was able to take the full 6 weeks of FMLA and help me a ton in that adjustment. My 3 year old daughter had her daddy's full attention, and she loved it! I loved it too, and now we are starting to be able to transition to a full family experience-- spending time with everyone together as the newborn becomes more able to interact and allow me to do so. :) I still feel bad for the dog, as he has even less of my attention than before...which was very little. But I'm sure he'll survive.

As I get back into resumed efforts toward household chores, I realize I've let things slide somewhat. But I feel ok about it, and am ready to pick things back up. Unfortunately that lovely cleaned-out craft room again became a dumping ground...but I'm not giving up. I just have to clean it out again, and continue to strive to find a way to have it consistently stay nice. I guess I haven't determined a different way to go about things yet to avoid it becoming a stashing place, yet I'll keep working on that. Work-in-progress is the name of the game.

I find myself less motivated to sit down and write about where I am in the categories I have on this blog...maybe because I haven't done much. Though I'm looking forward to sharing more perhaps next month, when I can give a better run-down of the latest improvements. I'll be getting back into better exercise habits, begin preparations for a wardrobe overhaul, try some hair style solutions, and keep practicing my make-up application. In all the areas, the main goal is balance. So here's to going for that. :)