Hanging in the Balance (from March 2018)

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I'm an Idiom

idiom: "a group of words established by usage as having a meaning not deducible from those of the individual words"

Hanging in the balance. (an idiom)
"To be perilously close to failing, depending on the outcome of something.
"Be in a precarious condition or in a state of suspense."

The definition of an idiom sounds like when I try to communicate something. :)

I chose this particular idiom (hanging in the balance) because that is what my life has felt like at various times--especially recently. In some ways, I guess we're all one step away from "failing" (whatever your definition of that may be.) Making a big mistake or a wrong turn or whatever it might be. Yet I always go back to a quote that my junior high choir teacher put to music:

"I'm not judged by the number of times I fail, but by the number of times I succeed. And the number of times that I succeed is in direct proportion to the number of times I fail and keep trying." --Tom Hopkins (no relation)

Mom fails, wife fails, job fails,calling fails, sister/daughter/friend fails--- you name it, I've done it. However, I'm not done trying. Trying might as well be my middle name. Life is full of precarious conditions. We felt suspended as we waited for our home to be built. Yet we are in and happy and life is fine--even with personal set-backs of questioning if I'm good enough or strong enough or smart enough.

Yikes, I'm being so vague. I'm not trying to hide my reality, I just don't know what to share. Basically it's been really difficult for me to find some kind of balance with all my responsibilities at home and work and--life. Perhaps that's an unending quest, finding true balance. Yet some days I feel really close, and I know I'm improving. So even if I'm "hanging"-- I'll hang with balance.

5 Months Out (written 1/21/18)

What It Is

Sometimes you can get to know what something is by knowing what it is not.

As I'm appreciating the occupation of our new home, I've been thinking of the things we won't have to deal with anymore. As my siblings and parents often say, "First world problems."

• Live in close quarters (either in a trailer or apartment).
• Do laundry at the laundromat or hang clothes on a clothesline.
• Not have a place for things.
• Scrape windshields in frost or snow.
• Have limited choices of meals to make.
• Worry about limited data.
• Have less selection of apparel.

Maybe there is more, but those are the main things I've thought of. And they're really not that big of a deal. What I know is that I will not take anything I have for granted, and truly appreciate it. 

What it is, is:

• A miracle.
• Awesome.
• Wonderful.

I'm not sure lucky and blessed belong in the same sentence, but I'm not sure how to separate the feeling. Thinking back on the past 10 years (our anniversary is in a couple of weeks), it's interesting and amazing how we got here. Yet we got here together. It's where we are supposed to be and where we're going to stay. I love this great, roller-coaster, incredible life!

"Row, row, row your boat, gently down the stream. Merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily, 

life is but a dream."